ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
