Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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