Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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