she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize