The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
