I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
