Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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