Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
