You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
