i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize