Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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