Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
