Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
