and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
