I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
