Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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