i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
