Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
