I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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