His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
