Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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