the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
