I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
