Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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