and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize