I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
