Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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