Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
