i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
