BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize