me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
