i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
