Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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