He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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