Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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