We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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