So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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