I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
