VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
