I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
