Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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