I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
