i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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