a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
