My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
