Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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