so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
