"it" just moved
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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