You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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