The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
