i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
