My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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