I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
