I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
