Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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