just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
