You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
