i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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