I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
