Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize