Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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