My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
