I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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