Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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