My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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