I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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