If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
