He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
