Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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