he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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