I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
