god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize