Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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