we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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