you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
