My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize