Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
