I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
