Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
