I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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