16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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