you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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