You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
