We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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