the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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