My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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