I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
