My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
