New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
