I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
