dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
