The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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