I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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