I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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