I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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