The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
