dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize