Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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