the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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