if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
