My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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