YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
