fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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