Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
