somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
