So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
