last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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