i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize