I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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