Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize