omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
