Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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