she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
