I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize