I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
