Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
